11 Step Program

I saw this posted on facebook tonight and after the last few weeks I have had, it really made me laugh. 

11 step program to those thinking of having kids, by Amy Lawrence.

Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive).

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street, Barney, Disney, Dora, and Thomas. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or 'Noggin/Nick Jr. for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Can you spot the kid?

We have a speedway in our house and it is incredibly LOUD.


Can you see my little speeders?

I'm sorry, what? I didn't hear you. There is a race going on right now. 

There's one of them! Do you like her ripped up pants and mismatched stripes?

She stopped long enough to pick up her pillow pet and then it was back to the speeding.

I bet my neighbors just love me.

Forget horses, my kids ride zebras - Wordless Wednesday

The kids at the Zoo

Lilly doesn't like smiling. Obviously.

Sophie will smile on queue. Always.

Caitlin being silly. I think she may have broken the zebra. Don't tell the zoo. Kthx.

Saturday with the kids

On Saturday I took the kids to the park for a picnic and some much needed play time. It was a GORGEOUS day outside and there was no way I was staying indoors!

I took my camera and made sure the battery was charged and do you know I didn't take one picture. We got to the park and started to eat when everyone decided they had to go potty. Figures. Luckily I had some diapers in the car so I slapped a couple on the little ones. I don't think they ever went in them though. Anyway we finished eating and then came straight home.

The park was packed and I don't think I would have been able to keep an eye on them both AND take pictures. We settled for our little neighborhood playground and they loved it just as much. Play time was cut a little short when Lilly got a splinter, but after all that running they were pretty worn out.

Back in December we drove down to St. Augustine to see the Night of Lights display they have. Oh my word it was packed. They had the main roads closed off so we couldn't even get close enough to take pictures. Lucky for me they keep the lights up until the end of January!

We decided to take a little ride down there Saturday night and look at the lights sans crowds and road blocks. This is definitely the way to do it! There was so little traffic, I was able to stop on the road and get some pretty good shots.

This was NOT one of them. :) I was going to delete this one but Caitlin likes how it looks, so it stays.

We were going to ride the carousel, but the sign clearly says no pets allowed.

Look Out Cat Woman

This is Lilly. Or as I lovingly call her, Silly Lilly. Here's why.

She cracks me up on a daily basis. Her sense of fashion is eclectic to say the least. I need to remember to take some pictures of the outfits she like to wear when we go out shopping. The girl marches to her own drummer that's for sure. I love that about her.

Drawing a dinosaur.

She's showing me how the dinosaur walks.

She is totally rockin' the cat eye glasses.

My jeans fit!

So as y'all know I started Weight Watchers a couple of weeks ago. I am tired of being round. I would like there to be some definition in there somewhere! :)

I didn't weigh myself yesterday like I should have. I have been so busy with bows and the kids and trying to watch what I eat, that I slacked a little at the end of last week. I didn't go over my points, but I knew I wasn't eating good for me stuff. Like, it's not great to get all your points in 2 meals. I found myself not having time to eat or drink water and that is never a good thing.

Yesterday I had to go to the Walmarts and get stuff for Caitlin's science project. I figured I'd try on my new jeans and see if they fit. OK, by new I mean I bought them back in February and they didn't fit. Well they fit but I have to lay down on the bed just to get them zipped and then couldn't breath again until I took them off. So yeah.

Anyway, I tried them on again yesterday and THEY FIT! I'm talking I just pulled them up and they fit. I buttoned them without having to suck in and I didn't have to get on the bed and try to pull up the zipper with a pair of needle nose pliers!

So even though I slacked off a little last week, I didn't let it discourage me from continuing on! I may not have lost any weight this past week, but I gained 2 new pair of jeans!


and just because I don't want to post without a picture

They STILL aren't looking at the camera.

Happy Monday!

It's Monday and I am happier than a bird with a french fry.

It's true.

First off, I survived the grocery store yesterday. The good news: They actually had a cart that held 2 kids for once.  The bad news: The basket on it was so small I still needed 2 carts. At least I should be good for another 5 weeks without having to go back!

Second of all, my husband, my loving, hardworking, dedicated, fun, adorable husband is on his way home. I couldn't be more happy right now. Well I guess I could be happier. But only if he walked through the door holding 1 million dollars and said let's move to a deserted island and live happily ever after. THEN I might be a little happier.

Next, it's Thanksgiving this week! Duh. Since we won't be making it to my father's house on Thursday, we are going to the next best thing. His cousins house! They are very special to us and just some of the most wonderful people you could ever meet. I always feel like a better person after being around them. They just ooze positivity. I love it!

Last, but certainly not least, Lilly. She has been coming in my room in the middle of the night to sleep with me. Which means, she wakes up when I do, which means we get some alone time just the 2 of us. It doesn't happen very often, even though I wish it did. She is a fun kid!! She has the best giggle and loves to be tickled!

I need to get my camera out. It's been a while since I took any photos. I have been doing a lot of reading on how to take better pictures so hopefully they will turn out, well, better. :)

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
Gobble gobble!!

Cool mom... oh wait...

This is so me. And here I always thought I would be the "cool" mom. Wrong!

T-Mobile Mom to Mom Quiz:

Take the fun, Mom to Mom quiz and discover your parenting style.