Pulling out my hair!

Let me just start off by saying that we are so blessed as a family. We have our health, my husband has a job, we have a roof over our head and food on our table and I am so thankful for it all.

With that out of the way, I am sick of my husbands’ J.O.B. He has been there for 12 years, 13 in September but they treat him as if he was a new hire. He applies for new positions within his company and time after time, he gets turned down. Sometimes without even an interview. And never with an explanation as to why. It bugs me. And I am pretty sure it bugs him too.

Now what really has me pulling out my hair is that his supervisors are constantly asking people to leave early. Go home, without pay. He can’t and won’t do it. We need the money. He came home yesterday and informed me that not only are they asking people to go home early, they are forcing them to as well. Forcing people to go home without pay.

What if they start forcing him to leave. What in the world would we do.

So far I have been holding up pretty good but today I lost it.

Totally lost it in front of my kids. I hate crying in front of my kids.

My husband is coming up quick on being 40. Less than 2 months, and it scares me TO DEATH to have to start all over.

I feel such a huge amount of guilt with all of this. I love staying at home with my kids, but if I wasn’t at home with them, I could be out there working. Bringing home some extra income and helping out some. Granted, it wouldn’t be alot since childcare alone would cost almost $900 a month, but still. It would be the principle of it.

What scares me more than having to start all over is having to move. Where would we go? What would we/he do? I am just at a loss. Clueless.

On the other hand, what is keeping us from starting over? Moving to a new place can be exciting! Even fun! I remember when I decided to move to this city. I am so exicted. But I was sooooo naive. I grew up in a small town and the thought of a big city was exciting to me! Culture, museums, zoos & shopping! What more could a single mother ask for???

Now with a husband and 2 additional children, I don’t like this city.

The culture?? Eh… Not really feeling it.

The museums?? Haven’t even been to one.

The zoo?? I live in FL where it’s HOT so the zoo is bearable about 3 days out of the year. Been there once.

The shopping?? Too much to choose from. And TOO many people!

How ironic is it that I want that small town back? I want people to know my kids. I want them to notice if we aren’t at church on Sunday. I want to see our neighbors in the only grocery store in town and talk with them about God knows what for God knows how long. I want that small town feeling back. But not so sure I want my small town back.

Wow this post has turned into a big ol’ whine-o-gram. Remember that skit on SNL, Mr and Mrs Whiner? Yeah, my mother used to always say that when I whined. It was really quite funny. Anyway I feel like that now.

OK…. going to stop whining now.

Going to pray instead.