11 years ago today

September 22nd, 1998

That date will forever be in my memory.

I can remember exactly where I was when she told me she had cancer. It was at the dinner table and I broke down. I was only 19 at the time. That was 1996.

Less than 2 years later, she was gone and I am still not over it. It hurts as bad today as it did back then.

I thought about what I wanted to write while I lied awake in bed last night. I couldn’t think of what to write. I just kept crying. It was a long night and I still don’t know what to write.

I keep going over that day in my head. It feels like it was only yesterday and I am still mad about it.

Why my mother??

Why not someone elses mother??

What did she do to deserve this?

I’ll never know the answers. I just tell myself that God needed her more than we did.

Sometimes I am still angry at people for no reason other than they still have their mother. I hate that about myself too. It’s not their fault. They didn’t do anything.

So today, as we celebrate my husband’s birthday, I am also still mourning the loss of my loving mother. I miss her everyday. She would have loved to see her grandchildren. She would be so proud.

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